Looking back at this as a list item on The Fucket List, it was mostly likely the first thing I ever crossed off – even before losing my virginity. Unfortunately I can’t remember the first time I sent a picture of my penis to a girl, but I doubt it was via a phone. I was late to the cell phone game and when I did get one, it was a flip phone with the inability to send photos based on my plan. If I had to make a guess, I would say my first ever “dick pic” was taken by webcam and sent through some form of chat service.
That is it; my entire story for the first time I sent a cock shot. Kind of a lame story, so instead of this being a regular list item story I decided to dive deeper into the infamous “dick pic” which has become a norm in today’s dating world. Not many guys know this, but there is an art to taking the perfect “Peter” picture that come with some unwritten rules – I think it’s about time we write them down.
(Note: Instead of continuously saying “penis,” I’m using this article as a challenge to refer to a man’s genitalia in as many creative ways as possible.)
Do Not Send An Unsolicited Picture Of Your Penis
Are you about to send an unflattering photo of your “Engelbert Humperdinck”? Stop! This should be an obvious rule, but time and time again I see post online of guys who just willy nilly send pictures of their willy to a stranger after simply saying “hello”. I have never sent a picture of my junk unless specifically requested by someone I’m sexually interested in – I wanted to make that part clear in case I get emails asking for pictures of my “Tiddly Winks”.
Seeing a photo of Tallywacker in your inbox isn’t the most appetizing thing; especially if you happen to be eating a sausage at the time. Keep your beast behind it’s zipper cage until explicitly asked or you could end up like the guy who sent a picture of his “Biggie Smalls” to a woman and then she proceeded to send the conversation and picture to his Mother.
The Mysterious Mole
Have you ever been worried about your “Cash and Prizes” being posted online whether it be as an act of revenge or some dirty kink? Well you should be, because revenge porn is still alive and well. My suggestion is to get out a brown magic marker a draw a medium sized mole on your pubic mound over even on the base of your shaft. That way if your photo were to ever get leaked, you can drop your pants and show that you don’t have a mole like the one in the photo; therefore this photo can not possibly be of you. It should also be clear to never put your face in the photo unless it is someone you truly trust because that would just defeat the purpose of the mole and you’ll forever be known as the mole man.
All jokes aside, this is an actual fact I learned from a body builder who has spent many years being photographed. She claims if you’re taking a full body standing up photo, this little trick will help make your body look at it’s best – no I’m not going to click bait you, I’m going to tell you!
Point your feet to the left or right of where the camera is, then twist your body to face the camera – not so much that you look like a contortionist. This will in fact tighten your stomach muscles to make yourself look much more flattering.
How does the old saying go? Trim the bush and it makes the tree look bigger. That statement is still true today. All the women I’ve spoken to prefer either completely shaven down there or at least neat and trim. The forest look went out in the ’70s. Make your “one-eyed trouser snake” the focal point.
Dress It Up/Be Creative
Sometimes a little mystery can be sexy and when I say dress it up, I don’t mean add a little top hat and monocle to your “love pole”. I mean make it presentable. One of the first things I learned in cooking class was presentation was key and I think that goes the same with dick pics. Although I’ve heard back and forth arguments on whether or not you should just display yourself completely nude; I’ve found success doing the opposite.
For example, I once took a photo for a certain someone wearing nothing but a Santa Hat on Christmas Eve and it wasn’t sitting on my head. My “little soldier” worked as a hat hanger and she loved it. Guys, I can’t tell you how many time I’ve been complimented on my boxer briefs; if you don’t have a pair, go get some! Having your “third leg” hanging out of your underwear with the tight fabric hugging your strong thighs can drive a lady mad!
Delete After Use
I can’t stress this one enough. Why are you keeping a photo of your own “pickle” in your phone; it can only be disastrous. You either accidentally see your business multiple times when rummaging through your photos or in my case, you come really close to sending the wrong photo to someone else. You don’t want to mistakenly show someone a picture of your “unit” when you only wanted to show them a picture of your lunch.
Show The Boys Some Love?
Be careful with this one because I’ve read many articles saying leave your testicles out of the photo. On the other end of the spectrum I’ve heard women saying they love to see a nice pair of “smooth criminals”. I even stumbled upon a community that posts nothing but balls, it was both a magical and disgusting experience for me. All I can say for this one is, ask what she likes. They say communication is key when it comes to sex, so why shouldn’t it be the same when sexting.
Lighting And Multiple Photos
You don’t need to settle for the first picture you take. Take multiple ones from many angles and then go through them to find the most visually appealing one. As for lighting, I’ve noticed natural light is best – preferably somewhere in the shade so you don’t have the glare of the sun. Also I would suggest doing this from inside the comfort of your own home, you don’t want to be known as “that neighbour”. You should also probably check your surroundings before standing near a window with your dangler hanging out.
Don’t Be Afraid To Use Your Hands
Hands in a picture are perfectly fine and also give a nice idea of your size without any camera tricks. To add more depth; hold onto the base of your cock and squeeze to give that throbbing head effect. Show her exactly what she is causing your body to do.
There has been a lot of bad press about dick pics, but I think it is a great way to stay close with your significant other when they’re not around. Plus if she enjoys it and you enjoy it, why not? It is the most intimate act you can do via your phone; sharing your most vulnerable area. But, just one more time… no unsolicited dick pics! Come on guys!