“Turns out sucking a cock is kind of like riding a bike! It all comes back to you.”
A neglectful relationship, falling in love with a married man and sex in front of an audience. For our first installment in our ‘Cheater Confessional’ series, we spoke to 40-year-old “Lucky” from Midwest, United States. Together with her husband for 23 years and married for 21. Lucky, has cheated on her husband for the past two years with 50+ partners.
Was it all just men? Or women as well?
Lucky: I had sex with one woman as part of a threesome with a guy I was seeing.
Are you in a happy marriage?
My husband is happy, I guess? On the surface he’s happy. And why not? He gets everything out of this marriage that he could possibly want. He was sweet to me while we were dating but once we got married things changed little by little. He treats me at best as a piece of furniture and at worst our relationship is harmful to me.
I loved him and wanted him and thought I could love him enough but he’s a really selfish person. I have so many stories of things he said to push me away. Names he called me if he felt I was being critical of him. Times I would specifically ask for just a few minutes of his time and he would ignore it. He likes to watch tv as much as possible. We have a dead bedroom. I tried everything from lingerie, trying to be sexy for him, doing literally everything around the house and for the kids so he wasn’t tired, to finally just accepting him as he was and hoping that if I was nice enough to him someday he’d feel safe enough to love me back. But that isn’t how that works.
Eventually, I noticed that the dead bedroom and lack of affection were really affecting my self-worth. One day I was at the grocery store with my kids and there was a man who kept looking at me, checking me out. But what I thought to myself was, He’s probably looking at me because I’m so hideous. He probably can’t believe I have children because who would want to procreate with me? I swear I’m cute. I definitely have a mom body but my shape is feminine, smaller waist with a thicker booty. My face is conventionally pretty, nice smile, dimples, pretty eyes. It dawned on me that I was letting my husband control my self-worth and that my sexuality was mine regardless of his participation or not.
You already touched on this, but just to confirm, you only cheated during your marriage?
That’s right, I never cheated on any boyfriends prior to getting married and we’d been married for many years before I cheated on my husband. I really am wired for monogamy. When I was first cheating I went a little wild and fucked anybody I wanted to (laughs), but after I got that out of my system I realized I did want a special thing with just one person.
Where do you meet these men? And were there some guys you didn’t tell them you were married or were you upfront about that?
Mostly online. I pretty much tried it all as long as there was no cost involved: Reddit, Kik groups, Ashley Madison, FetLife, Adult Friend Finder (free version, which sucks. If you’re male I wouldn’t even bother with the free version). They all knew I was married and all knew I had other partners. I didn’t usually give them identifying information beyond my first name but I was always as honest as I could be with them. Honor among thieves.
Let’s go back to your first. Assuming this became a fantasy for you, what was it in your mind that sort of clicked and made you want to take this fantasy and turn it into a reality?
It was a guy I’d met through a Kik group. He was handsome and we got along really well. At that point, I had been talking to a few different guys and wasn’t sure when I should go ahead and pull the trigger or with whom. But I really liked him and one day he just kind of… ordered me to meet him the next day. It was like, “We’re doing this.” He knew I wanted it but just needed a little push. We met at a park and I was extremely nervous. As soon as I got into his truck he said, “God damn you’re pretty.” Then pulled me in and said, “I just have to do this” as he kissed me hard on the lips. He asked, “Is it ok that I did that?” It was!
We talked a bunch and both of us smiled a lot (laughs). He made me feel comfortable and we made out. He was a great kisser. Then I remember thinking, I really want to see his cock. Should I? Will that be ok with him? Will I even be any good anymore? Turns out sucking a cock is kind of like riding a bike! It all comes back to you. 😆😇
How did you feel after that first one?
I felt exhilarated. I came home so full of confidence and so horny (laughs). Beforehand I wondered if I would feel guilty but I didn’t at all. I felt like I was doing what I was born to do. I was made for fucking and I needed to do a lot more of this.
So no guilt ever?
The only times I have felt guilty are when I’ve lied to his face so I try to do that as little as possible.
Where do you meet generally? Hotels? Their place?
Almost all of them were at their house. My current boyfriend hosts at hotels a few times a week.
Any interesting places you’ve had sex?
I once fucked a guy in a family bathroom at a local playground. That was probably a very bad idea (laughs). I had sex a bunch of times at a strip club/adult theater. That started just because he couldn’t host and we needed a place to fuck. The theater had a separate room for couples with a big window facing out to the main theater so people could watch.
The first few times I was ridiculously nervous but by the end, people started to recognize us. The bartender would sneak away from the bar to come to watch us. One time we were in the bar area and got up to head to the theater side and the bartender pointed at me and told the guys sitting around, “You’re gonna want to go watch this one.” It was incredibly flattering that this place had strippers with perfect bodies but the guys would be crowded around the window watching me. That was kind of intoxicating (laughs). Eventually, we moved out to the main theater and did some stuff closer to other people too. I think we went maybe 8 times in about 6 months.
I had no idea this theatre performance at a strip club was even a thing.
One side is a bar/strip club and the other is an adult theater. You have to pay admission for both sides or you can just choose one. The owner usually let us in for free because people would come to watch us. I am not really an exhibitionist at all but it was good for me to experience it given the circumstances of my marriage. Yes, my experiences in the theater were probably the craziest. I had a few threesomes outside of the theater that were kind of crazy.
I’ve had one MFF (Male, Female, Female) and two MFMs (Male, Female, Male).
How did the MFM experiences come about? That must have been a thrill for you.
It was! One night I was supposed to meet up with a guy I was seeing but he had to change plans. You have to be cool about that stuff with married men; things come up and that just has to be ok. But I’d already left the house with the excuse of having dinner with girlfriends so I couldn’t go home yet and was all dolled up. I messaged another guy to see if there was any chance he was available? He was…and his friend’s wife was out of town. So my first MFM was not preplanned at all.
It was exhilarating. Cock. Everywhere! (laughs) It was a lot of fun. For the female, everything happens so fast that you don’t have time to think. Which is great because then there isn’t room for any insecure thoughts. You just go with it and enjoy yourself. With an MFF, especially if the two women will play together, it’s kind of like moving a couch. Sometimes you’re carrying the couch with someone else, sometimes you’re helping as the other people carry the couch. I think an MFF is actually kind of hard. The guy has to be able to lead two women, which is trickier than it sounds, and the women have to be able to balance their focus as well. But with an MFM what each person should be doing is more straightforward.
Now on the opposite end of the spectrum. Have you had any bad experiences?
Yeah. 🙁 A lot of being used as a human FleshLight (and not in a good way!) Where the guy doesn’t notice or care if I got off or am enjoying the experience. After times like that, I’d think I know why his wife won’t fuck him!
There were two times I didn’t actually want to have sex with or give a blow job to someone but at the time I didn’t know how to get myself out of the situation. So I just did it. That’s a really horrible feeling. Two separate times I gave blow jobs to two separate guys and there was something skunky about their cum. I have a bit of a cum kink and always swallow cuz I’m a good girl. 😆 I’ve swallowed gallons of cum (just kidding!) and loved it but there was something about their cum that gave me terrible stomachaches. It was super sour-tasting too. I’m guessing they ate a lot of fast food.
Have you ever been caught or come close to being caught?
I have had a couple of close calls. One, I had a giant purple bruise on my boob from some rough sex. Normally my husband wouldn’t care to see me naked so I wasn’t overly worried. One day I was cleaning the shower in just panties and he came in to ask me something and saw it. I told him I ran into a clothing rack at a store. 🤪🤦♀️
Another time a guy I was seeing told me to meet him at his house, which I had done before. He’d leave his door unlocked for me, take off from work, and meet me there. I was sitting in his living room getting myself warmed up when he messaged me frantically that his wife was minutes away. She decided to come home at lunch to let the dog out. I zipped up my pants, grabbed my shoes, and ran across the front lawn to my car. I quickly parked around the block to message him back that the coast was clear. He said, “You’re gone already?” I said, “Yeah! You said ‘wife’ and I was out of there!” 😂
Have you ever talked about a future with any of these partners?
It didn’t start out that way but yes. Initially, cheating was something I tried as a way to stay married. I thought if I could outsource my needs for sex and intimacy that I could come home and be a pleasant roommate to my husband. That worked for a while. I did have loving feelings with the first guy I ever cheated with but we were both fully aware of the deal and never thought of anything with him beyond enjoying each other short term.
Things were different with my current boyfriend. I’ve never met anyone like him. We get along on every level and could not be more compatible. Every personality “thing” from MBTI, Enneagram, even horoscope has us as the “golden couple” of that thing. I’ve never been more in love and he says the same. We are both working exit plans to be together. I would leave my husband even if he wasn’t going to leave his wife though. That’s another thing cheating taught me: not every guy treats women the way my husband does and I deserve better. We both plan to file for divorce as soon as possible but definitely in 2020.
Excerpt From Reddit Post:
“Are you sure?” he asked laying next to me in the hotel bed.
Exit plans have been thought out. Small steps set in motion. We can’t live without each other again. We don’t want to live without each other again. We could break up. We’re both rocks. We’d continue to put one foot in front of the other until we died but there would be no life there.
Early on when I began to realize that I loved him one of the reasons I knew was because suddenly I had a thought, a flash, of me as an old woman not knowing where he was. The despair of knowing that someday we’d have our last day. We could meet at hotels a thousand times and it would never be enough.
The weight of this permeated everything and we admitted our feelings in fits and starts a little at a time. “I think I could love you,” he said once.
“I ‘think’ I could love you too,” I said with a smile. I’m sure sounding way more wise and precocious than I actually felt inside, Please be strong enough to handle my depths. I’ve already loved someone who isn’t strong enough. If I trust you and you drop me, I’ll crash. So we danced around it probably both feeling the other out, little by little.
Until one day we met for stolen kisses in the car and he admitted his feelings. “Are we crazy?” he said. He smiled at me in that way he does. The way that I don’t think he does for anyone else. Maybe his daughter. A smile that’s pure joy, love, delight. A smile that I know doesn’t come out for just anyone.
“No. We’re lucky,” I replied. “And we’re smart enough to handle this.”
At that point, the plan was to have a great love affair. Dive in with each other knowing that one day it would end but to just stay focused on enjoying today. Until, again, little by little things grew and it went from “Never” to “what if we lived in an alternate universe where we were together in real life” to “what if we really did that”. It was a slow process, testing things out.
The in-between time was hard for me and it’s still hard for me. Never knowing. Him saying, “Yes” one week to “I’m not sure” the next. I have a voice with him; confidence that comes with knowing I will be heard, and I had to put a boundary up: no more Yes and Maybe. One or the other. It confuses me and isn’t fair. We can talk about it anytime you want, we can keep this relationship as an affair and I’ll roll with that if I need to but don’t say Yes until you mean it. He agreed.
So here we are. We’ve said Yes. We’ve laid the plans. “Are you sure?” he asked laying next to me in the hotel bed.
Instantly insecurity pops into my mind. “Are you sure??” I asked.
“Pretty sure,” he replied with a grin.
“I’m sure,” I say as I kiss him sounding way sexier than I feel inside and adding, “Why did you ask me that?”
He smiled. “Because I wanted to hear it.”
It will be hard. We will have days that make us question it. But I’d take a thousand hard days with him and it would never be enough.
What is something your current boyfriend does for you sexually that your husband doesn’t/didn’t do or refused to do?
Well, he has sex with me for one thing. 😜 But even when we did occasionally have sex, with my husband once he’s done, we’re done. Whereas my boyfriend does all the things (laughs). He eats me out like he wants to crawl inside my vagina and take a two-week vacation. He takes the time to learn my body’s subtle cues and uses that to his advantage (laughs). I only just had my first vaginal orgasm with him. I thought I was physically incapable of them but now I cum vaginally multiple times every time. Sex with my boyfriend is on a whole other level than what my husband was ever capable of.
Is there a voice in the back of your head that thinks that if/when you and your boyfriend become official, that he may cheat given how the relationship began?
Given how our relationship began we definitely have both wondered that and talked about it. But it’s different. For example, the first guy I cheated with. He’s a ladies man. I would never trust him not to cheat on me… but that relationship was different. We had very loving feelings for each other but it wasn’t a forever thing. What I have with my boyfriend is so much deeper than any love I’ve ever felt. I know him so well and he knows me that way. We finish each other’s sentences. We tell each other everything. I would never hurt him and he is so protective of me I know he won’t hurt me either.
We’ve also read a lot about open relationships. While we both feel that we are wired for monogamy and don’t want anyone else we both have said that we want each other to be happy. If the time comes where one of us needs something the other isn’t providing we can talk about that. I don’t see us ever being non-monogamous but it’s different when you know your partner loves you so much that they want you to always come to them with your needs. There’s no reason to hide anything from him. He wants me to be happy and that’s what I want for him too.
If someone is reading this and maybe they find themselves in a similar situation or they just have this desire to cheat, what advice would you give them?
That once you’ve cheated you can not be someone who has done that. I never thought when I started that I would end up leaving my marriage which I would do with or without my boyfriend in the picture. Then when I started dating and we eventually talked about our past experiences I’d either have to admit that I was once a cheater or…keep a huge part of myself from him.
Also, it’s never just sex. I’m not saying people shouldn’t cheat but, as you said about communication, I think people should make sure they’ve given their partners a fair shot at meeting their needs first. Sometimes you hear people say that their relationships are great except they don’t have sex. But if you’ve communicated your needs and your partner is ambivalent about them, then your relationship isn’t great. I guess what I’m saying is don’t be afraid to talk about your needs and know how to evaluate how important they are to you. If your partner refuses to do what they can to meet them, then there’s probably a bigger conversation that needs to happen.
Any final thoughts?
Gosh, I already said so many words (laughs). I guess I’d reiterate the fact that everyone deserves to have their needs met. Your sexuality is yours so do what you need to do and follow your own true north. We only get so many turns around the sun.
Did you enjoy this article? Well, good news! It doesn’t have to end here. “Lucky” provided us with two graphic stories about her sexual escapades and those two bonus stories are available on our Patreon!